Communications
by seattlecsifan
Summary: I wanted to hear more about Grissom & Sara communicating while she is gone, so I wrote it myself. Just a drabble I suppose, but it's my first.
1. Chapter 1

To: GGrissom LVPD . con . gov

Wed 11-20-2007

From: SSidle LVPD . con . gov

Gil, it was so good to hear your voice the other night. I was afraid I had fucked things up between us.

Even though I've done this for us, I was afraid I'd ruined us in the process.

If it wasn't for you I would have died out there in the desert. I would have simply given up.

And now I've had to leave because of us.

You were wrong about needing a distraction to keep from burning out. I was so happy in my life with you that I let my guard down and let my demons sneak up on me. Now I must bury those demons once & for all or they will bury me. I'm afraid I have to do that alone.

Please don't call me again for a while. My resolve almost failed when I heard your voice. I need to continue our communications by email for now.

It means so much to me that you are there, but if I hear your voice I'll come running home to you, & that simply won't do.

I miss you terribly & love you more than words can say. Sara.


	2. Chapter 2

To: SSidle LVPD . com . gov

11/21/2007 1:23

From: GGrisoom LVPD . com . gov

My dearest Sara,

As long as I know where you are and that you will come home to me, I will be able to survive you absence.

You, of all people, know how hard it is for me to express my emotions verbally. Continuing this conversation through email will be a relief for me.

I do miss the sound of your voice; I seem to crave it, now that you are not here. If you could leave a message on the answering machine while I'm at work now & then, it would make this separation so much easier.

You need to know that I'm here for you if you need me. I can be on my way to you as soon as you call.

For now let me paraphrase my current favorite author…You know I love you, I always will. You're my one & only. I'll miss you with every beat of my heart, and I'll sleep with you in my dreams. Thy picture in my sight, awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight.

Grissom


	3. Chapter 3

To: SSidle LVPD . com . gov

11/25/2007 9:23

From: GGrissom LVPD . com . gov

My dearest Sara, Hank and I were happily surprised to hear your voice on the answering machine when I got home from work this morning. Thank you for calling. It's been too quite here while you've been away. I miss your voice, your scent, your touch. I've even been playing some of your CD's on the stereo, just so I can pretend that you're here.

Everyone at the lab is trying to be supportive of me, well almost everyone. I have my suspicions that Greg holds me responsible. He's been very short with me. I'm expecting it to come to a head any day now.

I feel responsible, myself. I wish I had seen this coming and had helped you more to get through it. I didn't realize how deeply you were hurting. I'm ashamed that I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

All my love, Grissom


	4. Chapter 4

To GGrissom LVPD . con . gov

Sun. 11/25/2007 14:23

From SSidle  LVPD . con . gov

Gil,

I'd forgotten how cold it can be in San Francisco this time of year. Even though I can't bear the thought of being in the desert right now, I do miss the warm afternoon sunshine of Las Vegas. I also miss you.

Please don't blame yourself for anything. You must understand that this has nothing to do with you. I've carried these ghosts with me for most of my life. It's high time that I faced up to them.

The only thing that you have to do with this problem is that if I'm going to marry you, I want to be whole for you. I'm broken right now. I must figure out how to fix myself so that we can be happy together. I understand now why you had to go away last year. I am so grateful that you are making this easier on me than I made things for you.

I've contacted a counselor who helped me when I was a teenager. She's the only one who could break through to me back then and I'm hoping she can get me started down the right path now.

Give Hank a hug for me. Remember you're my everything. I love you, Sara.


	5. Chapter 5

To : GGrissom LVPD . con . gov

Mon. 11-26-2007 4:45

From: SSidle LVPD . con . gov

Gil, did I ever tell you the story of how I got the scar above me left eye? You know, the one that almost matches the one above your left eye.

When I was eight years old my mother let me bring a puppy home from in front of the grocery store. It was my first ever dog. I named him Buddy. I played with Buddy all afternoon and my mother let me sleep with him that night. It was a Saturday, so my father didn't get home until late. Since I was already in bed when he got home I was out of the firing line that night. Late the next morning when he finally woke up, he was an angry, hung over mess. I tried to keep out of the way with Buddy. We played in the backyard for a couple of hours before my father noticed the dog. He wasn't happy.

When my father stepped in a wet spot in the kitchen that night he flew into a rage. He literally kicked the dog out into the back yard, and when I tried to get to the back yard too, he started kicking at me. My mother tried to distract him, so he broke her nose. Then he backhanded me across the face with his left hand. He wore a flashy diamond pinky ring on that hand. That's how I got the scar above my left eye.

When I got home from school the next day, Buddy was gone. I never asked where he had gone.

Sara


	6. Chapter 6

To: SSidle LVPD . com . gov

11/27/2007 4:37

From: GGrisoom LVPD . com . gov

My dearest Sara,

I know I've told you about my first dog, Rex, but I don't think I ever told you about how I got the scar over _**my**_ eye.

It was when I was in first grade, I hadn't learned yet that being smart wasn't always something you wanted to show off about. At the end of the first week of school, during recess I learned that you shouldn't bring the deficiencies of your class mates to the attention of your teacher too often. I was a little small for my age & Brad Wilkerson, who lived one block over from me, was a pretty big first grader. It seems that by Friday he had had enough of me proving how smart I was at his expense. I received my scar when Brad pushed me off the jungle gym. Luckily I didn't wear glass yet, because I landed face first in the dirt. I did, however, learn that for me, being a ghost was a good thing.

Doc Robbins was asking after you today, and wanted me to send you his regards.

Remember always Sara, you are my universe.

Grissom


	7. Chapter 7

To : GGrissom LVPD . con . gov

11-27-2007 18:02

From: SSidle LVPD . con . gov

Gil,

I really missed you today. I went to the house we lived in when my Father died. I stood outside for a long while, and then walked down to the beach to watch the waves for hours. I don't know what I expected to find there, but what I did find was that I'm missing you terribly.

I think I'd like you to come visit me here. Just for a few days. I think I can handle seeing you without feeling the need to follow you home. I still have lots of work to do before I'm ready to start my new life. I've only begun to scratch the surface, but I think I need you to hold me in your arms for a little while. I need you to remind me of why I so desperately need to face my ghosts, my demons. Why I need to rid my life of them. What I hope to gain.

Please come to me,

Sara


	8. Chapter 8

To: SSidle LVPD . com . gov

11/28/2007 6:37

From: GGrisoom LVPD . com . gov

My darling Sara,

Of course I'll come to see you. My life has been so empty without you here beside me.

I can fly to into SFO Thursday morning, after shift. I've scheduled myself off until Sunday, and would like to stay with you for all three days.

I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms again. Even if for now it's only for a short while.

Grissom


	9. Chapter 9

To: GGrissom LVPD . gov

11-28-2007 16:43

From: SSidle LVPD . gov

Gil,

I would love to have you stay for all three days. It's been difficult to be away from you for this much time. I have a car & a suite at an extended stay hotel, so give me a call with your arrival information & I will pick you up.

I can hardly wait to see you again.

Sara

A/N I'm going to continue this in The Visit for little while, before I return to this. Thanks for all the encouragement. Being new to fiction writing, I'm finding this a little nerve wracking.


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

Grissom was sitting at his desk a half hour before shift began trying to concentrate when his cell phone rang. When he checked caller ID and saw Sara's name his heart skipped a beat. 

"Sara, honey, are you all right?"

"Hello Gilbert, I'm fine," Sara could hear his relieved sigh over the phone. "I just wanted to fill you in on my therapy session today. Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course honey, I'm just sitting in my office trying to get my game face on." Grissom rested his elbows on his desk.

"Okay, well, I talked to Tammy today about telling you about my nightmares, and she agrees with you. She thinks it would do a lot of good if I talked to you as soon as they woke me up, or if I can't talk to you, at least I should email you." Sara could practically hear Grissom smiling. "She also wants me to start telling you about some of my happy childhood memories."

"Do you want to start that now Sara?" Grissom asked, looking forward to hearing Sara's stories.

"Well, I thought I might tell you about how I met Tammy. That way you'll know a little bit about her."

"Great, I'd like that honey."

"I'd been in the foster care system two years when Tammy was assigned as my counselor. I think I'd been through half a dozen foster homes and at least four counselors by then. I didn't talk much for awhile after my Father died. And the reason I was in the system didn't help with my placement." Sara sat back against the headboard and pulled the blanket over her legs. "Tammy was the first of my counselors that had actually been in the system herself. She'd come from an abusive home, too, so she knew how to talk to me to get me to believe that what she said really applied to me." Sara cleared her throat and took a sip of water before she continued. "I wasn't getting very good grades at that time and she convinced me that if I really tried, education could be my ticket out. So that's how I ended up graduating from high school a year and a half early, I got early admittance to Harvard, was declared an emancipated adult, and got my ass out of foster care as fast as I could" Sara could hear Grissom chuckling on the other end of the connection.

"That's the Sara I know and love" Grissom wished he'd known her then. "Um, you didn't have any nightmares last night?"

"Nope, I stayed up late watching old black and white 'who done it's' on TV and got up early to go for a run." Sara picked up her yogurt, and tucking the phone between her shoulder and ear began to eat.

"Sara, I want you to get enough rest. Don't try to keep the nightmares at bay by going to bed exhausted. Okay honey?"

"Well, it worked pretty well while you were here." Sara took another spoonful of yogurt.

"Yes, well those were extenuating circumstances" Grissom laughed. "Sara, what the hell are you eating?"

"It's just yogurt, Grissom"

"Are you eating yogurt in bed?"

"Um, yeah." Sara wondered what he was getting at.

"Hmm, and what are you wearing?"

"Gilbert!" Sara paused, giggling, "I'm wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms, why?"

"Just trying to visualize, honey. It's the investigator in me." Grissom said leaning back in his chair.

"Well, it's nearly time for you to give out assignments so you better imagine me saying goodnight."

"Yes dear, goodnight Sara. I love you." Grissom whispered.

"I love you too, babe."

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

To: GGrissom LVPD . gov

12-04-2007 16:43

From: SSidle LVPD . gov

Gil,

It's nearly five in the evening and I didn't want to wake you. If you're not asleep you should be. If you can rag on me about my needing more rest, I can rag on you.

I went to the mall today to do a little shopping. The Santa there reminded me of a happy childhood memory, like the ones I'm supposed to be telling you about.

When I was a kid my mother used to drag me to the mall to have my picture taken with Santa. I hated it. She made me wear a fancy dress, which I did not like one little bit. She'd put my hair up in curlers, which hurt like hell. I could tell it wasn't even Santa because of the fake beard (I guess I was a budding criminalist, even then). Then, after all that trouble, the picture didn't look like me. And I never got what I asked Santa to bring me.

But after the picture was taken, my mother would always take me to the 31 flavors for a double scoop of pralines and cream in a sugar cone.

That's what I had today, the pralines and cream. Then I remembered about how she always took me there after dentist appointments or trips to the doctor. Sometimes after trips to the emergency room. When I was younger my older brother Timmy got to go, but I don't remember him going much after I was about ten. I don't think we went there at all that last year. I guess trying to pretend her life was something it wasn't got to be too hard.

I don't know what happened, but I don't intend to let it happen to us.

She was a victim. I was determined that I was never going to be one. When Natalie put me under that car, I realized that I always had been a victim of my childhood. I'd only been ignoring it.

My father's lack of compassion had made everyone in our family a victim. I dedicated my life to helping victims with my compassion. What I did to Hannah West would have shocked my father.

I was always afraid of being like my mother when I should have been afraid of being like my father.

Some days I feel like I've taken one step forward and two steps back. God I'm a mess.

But one thing I do know, I love you.

Sara


	12. Chapter 12

* * *

XXX

* * *

To: SSidle LVPD . gov

12-5-2007 5:07

From: GGrisoom LVPD . gov

Sara,

Thank you so much for sharing your past with me. I know how hard it is for you, but I'm positive it will help you in your journey.

I'd also like to share my feelings with you. You're the only one I can talk to about the really important things. I know how important it is for you to be away from me right now, and I don't want you to let the things I say to you influence what you do in any way. Please don't give up on yourself to help me. I couldn't bear it.

I must tell you that I miss you terribly. I miss us. You have become the biggest part of my life, the best part of my life. You are my heart and soul. I think the only reason I can carry on without you is because I know you will return.

But please remember I want _**my**_ Sara back. Whole and complete. Happy or sad, just as long as you are fully engaged in your life.

Even though I can barely stand to be in this house without you, I will promise to take better care of myself if you will promise to take better care of yourself. Adequate sleep and regular meals. I'll only work double shifts when I have to. Regular communication between us as well, for both our mental health.

God Sara, I miss you so much. I wish now that I had told you so many things before. I cherish you, and I've never told you. I miss the feel of your hair. I miss the tilt of your head when you smile at me. I miss the taste of your mouth. I miss your warmth in our bed. I miss your cold feet in my lap when I watch television. I miss the sound of our hearts beating in unison.

ee cummings

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in  
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere  
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing, my darling)  
i fear  
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet) i want  
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)  
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows  
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows  
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)  
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart).

Remember always that _**You**_ carry _**my**_ heart with you.

Love, Gil

* * *

XXX

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom had fallen asleep on the couch after arriving home from a twelve hour shift. He'd sat down with a beer in one hand and the name patch off of Sara's work vest in the other. He'd turned on a daytime talk show to help him drift off to sleep.

He was jerked awake two hours later by the ring of his cell phone. Grissom was fully awake in an instant when he saw Sara's name on the caller ID.

"Sara, honey, are you okay?" Grissom asked desperately as he sat up.

"Hi Gil, I'm fine. I just wanted to hear your voice. I'm going out to Valley State in Chowchilla to visit my mother today and I'm feeling a little nervous. I thought we could talk for awhile and it might relax me."

"Sure honey, I'd love to talk. I was just sitting here with Hank trying to unwind with a beer." Grissom rolled his head from side to side to work out the kink in his neck, "Are you in your suite?"

"Yeah, just having some coffee while I try to work up the nerve to leave." Sara walked into the kitchenette to refill her cup.

"Did you eat anything this morning?"

"Well… No, have you?" Sara asked.

Grissom smiled to himself and got up to walk into the kitchen. "I'll tell you what, I'll scramble up some eggs for my breakfast if you'll do the same."

"Deal," Sara said as she opened the little refrigerator in the kitchenette. "Do you have any cheese or mushrooms to add to yours?"

"Well, to tell you the truth Sara, the cupboards are a little bare here; just plain eggs for me, how about you?" Grissom set a skillet to heat on the stove.

"I, luckily enough have a few things leftover from the bedroom "picnic" we had last week, so I'm going to add some brie and sun dried tomatoes to mine."

Grissom groaned as he started a pot of decaf to go with his eggs. "Aren't you the lucky girl?" He added a pat of butter to the skillet and watched it sizzle. "That was a nice "picnic" wasn't it, almost as good the one at Cathedral Rock?"

Sara grinned as she remembered their first "date"; Grissom had taken her on a picnic at a park on Mount Charleston nearly two and a half years ago. "Nothing could be as good as that picnic Gil, but last week was close."

Grissom cracked some eggs into a bowl, adding a dash of milk before whisking them with a fork. "What's the weather like for your drive, honey?"

Sara poured her eggs into the hot skillet and stirred them around a few times. "It's a little grey today with showers in the forecast. Looks like you guys are in for some showers too." She added the cubes of brie and some diced tomato pieces to her eggs.

"Yeah, we're in for a few days of rain," Grissom put some bread in the toaster, "Do you have any of those bagels left?"

"This is the last one," Sara replied as she spread just a smidgen of low fat cream cheese on it. "How's the team?"

Grissom dished up his eggs and sat at the breakfast bar. "Warrick seems to be having a hard time right now. He looks worse than me. I think his divorce is really got him messed up. Maybe you could call him, he mentioned this morning that he didn't have anyone to talk to with you gone. Everyone else is okay. Even Greg is being civil to me."

"I'll try to get a hold of Warrick tomorrow," Sara said as she slid her empty plate into the soapy water in the sink. "Thanks Gil, I feel like I can handle the day now. I'll talk to you in a day or two, you get some sleep now, okay?"

Grissom slid his empty plate into the soapy water. "Yes dear, I love you Sara; try not to let things upset you too much today, alright?"

"I'll be okay, babe. I love you." Sara closed her cell phone, put on her jacket and left her suite.

* * *

XXX

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

* * *

XXX

* * *

To: GGrissom LVPD . gov 

12-07-2007 10:43

From: SSidle LVPD . gov

Gil,

Just dropping you a quick note to keep you updated.

I'm still in Chowchilla and expect to be here for another day or two. This meeting with my mother went much better than the last time I saw her. No shouting or obscenities, and very little crying. I guess I've matured a bit in the last fourteen years.

I think from here I'll be going to Seattle. It seems I have an aunt up there that I never knew about. Mother says she had her lawyer send the few family keepsakes up there after the trial.

She actually seems to be repentant finally. Says she's found God in prison and kicked her drug habit. She told me she was sorry that she didn't get us out of the house while she still could; it just seemed easier to wash away all her worries with booze and coke.

She's a lot older now, and getting frail. She doesn't seem to be the monster I remember. This will be a lot easier if she's not.

I wasn't able to reach Warrick. I got his voice mail four times before I gave up.

I've got to go now; I need to be at the prison at 11:30.

Love Sara

* * *

XXX

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom was reviewing case files at his desk when Sara called. 

"Sara…, honey, are you alright...Did you have a nightmare honey?" Grissom could hear her sobbing quietly on her end of the connection. "It's alright Sara, I'm with you," Grissom rubbed a hand over his face, "just take a deep breath honey. That's right, now let it out slowly. That's good, now another…. You're awake now honey and I'm right here with you." Grissom wished like the devil that he was there with her; he ached to wrap his arms around her and soothe her.

Sara snuffled a bit into her cell phone, "I had a nightmare Gil. I was so scared. I've never had this one before."

"You're okay now honey…Sara, can you tell me about it? It'll make you feel better."

"I was in a prison cell; I didn't know what I'd done to be there. It was cold and dark." Sara paused for a moment trying to remember. "My father was the guard….and he was pacing back and forth on the other side of the bars. He was dragging his baton against the bars… Jesus Griss, it wasn't a baton it was his paddle." Sara started to sob again.

"Shh… Sara, it was only a nightmare. It's over now. Your awake, he can't hurt you." Grissom was flexing his free hand in fury. _That bastard. _"Did he use the paddle on you when you were little?"

"Yes, when he said I was bad…in the next part of my dream I was in the closet. I was trying to escape. He caught me and threw me into the basement…it was cold and dark and smelled bad…." Sara trailed off.

"Sara, why were you in the closet?"

"I used to hide there when I was little and the fighting got bad." Sara was speaking just above a whisper.

"Was that the end of the dream?" Grissom thought he might crush the cell phone, he was gripping it so tightly. _**That bastard!**_

"Yes, I woke up in a panic and called you." Sara was calmer now. She had stopped shivering. She felt safe with Grissom's voice enveloping her.

"Why did he throw you in the basement Sara?" Grissom was whispering now, trying to control the rage in his voice. He knew Sara needed to bring the memory out into the open and face it, but he didn't know if he could bear hearing it.

"He didn't start doing that until the end… I don't know why. He never took me down there when I was smaller, only in that last year." Sara was starting to feel sleepy again. "Gil, can you talk to me for just a little bit so I can fall back asleep?"

Grissom tried to unclench his jaw and relax his shoulders. _It's a damn good thing that bastard is already dead._ He took a deep breath. "Sure honey. Do you remember the time…?"

* * *

XXX

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

XXX

* * *

To: SSidle LVPD . gov

12-11-2007 7:44

From: GGrisoom LVPD . gov

Sara,

Honey, I haven't heard from you in a couple of days now and I'm getting a little worried. I need you to get in touch with me, please. I'm having a rough time right now and I need to know you're alright.

The team seems to be falling apart around me. My life seems to be falling apart around me.

Warrick's gotten himself into trouble again. I think he's having some substance abuse problems now. A murdered stripper was found in his car outside a club whose owner is a suspect in a case he was investigating. It's a real mess, I had to suspend him and he didn't take it well.

I used to lean on my work when my life got difficult, I now realize over the last couple of years I've started leaning on you instead Sara. I need to know your there to offer me succor. I need to know you're coming home again to make my life whole again.

Please call me.

Gil

* * *

XXX

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

* * *

XXX

* * *

To: GGrissom LVPD . gov

12-12-2007 12:53

From: SSidle LVPD . gov

Gil,

I'm sorry I haven't talked with you for a few days.

The last couple of days with my mother were kind of rough. I needed a little time to digest the information she gave me. She finally talked about the night my father died, and the few months leading up to that night. It wasn't what I expected to hear. She said she did it for me.

She said she could see how the way my father was looking at me was changing. I was getting more mature and he was starting to treat me differently, talk to me differently. It made me remember I was starting to be uncomfortable whenever I was alone with him, even when he was sober.

She said she started drinking less so she could watch out for me. She said she was afraid of what he might do. He had always tried to not hit me much when I was little because I was just a kid, but he was starting to look at and talk to me like I was an adult. She was afraid of what he might do to me if he thought I was grown up.

When she told me that, I remembered how I was so proud that he thought I was growing up. Until I started to notice when he was drinking he was meaner to me. Before he started taking me to the basement to punish me. Before he started to use his belt instead of the paddle.

She said that when she got home from her job at the 7-11 that night she could hear me crying in the basement. She went down and found him standing above me, pulling his belt free from his pants. She screamed at him and he went upstairs and passed out on the couch. She took me upstairs to my room and helped me calm down and get ready for bed. A few hours later she stabbed him to death. I heard her screaming and went downstairs. There was blood everywhere. She had me call the police.

She says she doesn't think he'd gotten as far as sexual abuse. I don't think so either. Even though I had blocked out everything leading up to that night. I didn't remember she had sobered up at the end. I didn't remember her running interference with him for me. I didn't realize she did it to save me from him. I didn't realize she's not really a monster.

It took me a whole day to get from Chowchilla to Monroe. I'm at my aunt and uncles house now. It's pretty much out in the woods. I've never seen trees like they have up here. It's damn cold here though. I wish you were here to keep my feet warm. I don't expect to be here long.

I love you,

Sara

* * *

XXX

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

Hey, I just wanted to let y'all know about the Raffle they're having at YTDaW to support the Actors Fund. Visit the WGA strike page, post #966 to find out how to win cool autographed CSI stuff.

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom had just pulled into the lab parking lot. Graveyard shift didn't start for forty five minutes, but he'd let the paperwork slide a little recently and had decided to try to get caught up. When his cell phone rang and the caller ID showed it was Sara he was a little bit surprised. 

"Sara? Are you all right honey?" he asked as he turned off the ignition.

"Gil? Hi babe. Do you have time to talk?" her voice sounded small and timid, not at all like his Sara.

"Of course Sara, I'll always have time for you. Did you have a nightmare?"

"I'm not sure if you can call it a nightmare. A very weird dream, for sure. I just need to talk with you for a bit so I can go back to sleep. Is that okay?"

Grissom slid the driver's seat of the Denali back and reclined it a little, "Of course Sara, I'm just sitting in the parking lot. No one expects me to even be here. Why don't you tell me about your dream, it'll make you feel better."

Sara sighed. "Okay," she said in a small quiet voice. "I was in the woods. There were these huge tall fir trees everywhere. It was almost dark because the sun couldn't make it through the trees. I was lost and scared." Sara was quiet for a few minutes before she continued. "Then I could see them standing amongst the trees. Not really hiding, but I couldn't see them very well because of the dimness."

When Sara didn't go on Grissom asked "Who were they Sara?" He almost dreaded the answer.

"It was the victims. You know, Kaye Shelton, Pam Adler, Svetlana Melton, Julie Walters, Devon Malton, Cammie Brookston…too many, Griss."

"Go on honey," Grissom said gently, "tell me the rest."

"I was scared at first, I thought they would be mad at me…but they weren't. They all seemed content. They seemed to be showing me the way. I followed where they were urging me to go and eventually I came out into the sun. Now I'm not quite sure what to make of it." Sara fell silent.

"None of them had any reason to be mad at you honey; you helped find out what happened to them. You can't look at cases where we didn't get a conviction as failures Sara. We didn't hurt those people and it wasn't our fault that we couldn't always find enough evidence to prosecute the ones who did hurt them. But at least we found out what really happened to them, honey. That means a great deal." Grissom had always wished that Sara wouldn't take these cases so much to heart, he knew that was what made her a great investigator, but he also knew it was a huge factor in her breaking down. If only he could help her let the ghosts of those cases go, maybe she would come home sooner.

"I know it's not our fault Griss, but it's hard for me not to feel guilty. It hurts when I think of what happened to these people." Grissom could tell she was crying a little now.

"Sara, honey, don't cry. It's going to be okay….shhh… Where are you now honey?"

"I'm at a hotel in Seattle. I'm flying back to San Francisco in the morning." Grissom could hear her taking a deep ragged breath.

"What happened with your relatives?" The last he had heard she was staying with an aunt she'd never knew she had.

Sara cleared her throat and blew her nose before answering, "I came up here to find out why they didn't take me in, instead of letting me go into foster care. I found out I was probably better off in foster care. It seems my mother's family was very strict and very religious. When she ran away to a commune with my father they disowned her. My aunt and uncle are now living in the woods waiting for the apocalypse. My foster families don't seem so bad in comparison. Anyway, I got the stuff my mother had shipped up here."

"Did you find anything interesting, honey?" Grissom asked.

"Just some cheap jewelry and some pictures." Sara said with a sigh.

"What were the pictures of?"

"Umm…I haven't looked at them yet. I think I'll wait until I get back to California. Maybe show them to Tammy… Listen Gil, I feel better now and you'd better get in to work. I'll talk to you in a day or two, okay?"

Grissom wished she would talk some more but he could tell she didn't feel like continuing with the subject. "Okay honey. I love you Sara."

"I love you too Gil, goodnight."

Grissom shut the phone, but didn't go in to work. Instead he sat in the car, alone in the dark.

* * *

XXX

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

* * *

XXX

* * *

To: GGrissom LVPD . gov

12-20-2007 14:53

From: SSidle LVPD . gov

Gil,

It's been a busy week for me here. I've been having daily sessions with Tammy since my return, and I'm pleased to say I think I'm making headway.

We've talked a lot about my family history as well as my work demons. The pictures I recovered from my aunt have helped me to see the other side of my childhood. I'm feeling pretty good about things. I'm even going to go back and visit my mother, I think I need to try to start rebuilding a relationship with her.

I'm going to need your help to get over the last few hurdles. I was hoping you could come and spend Christmas here with me in San Francisco, and then drive me back to the dessert.

I need you to help me get over what Natalie Davis did to me, and what I did to myself while I was out there. It's time to finish this and get on with my life.

I want to start my new life with you so badly. I've missed you so much. It's time to put my past behind me so I can come back to you. I need you Gil, and I love you more than you'll ever know.

Sara

* * *

XXX

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

* * *

XXX

* * *

To: SSidle LVPD . gov

12-21-2007 4:50

From: GGrissom LVPD . gov

Sara,

I'll be driving over after court this morning. With a little luck we can have dinner together tonight.

I've taken two weeks emergency medical leave. I can always take additional vacation time if I need.

I'm looking forward to bringing you home, my life has been a shadow since you left. I'll do whatever it takes for us to be together.

Call me after lunch, I should be out of court by then.

All my love, Gil

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom couldn't stop grinning. He called Catherine who was out in Henderson with Greg at the scene of a shooting.

"Willows" he heard her say.

"Catherine, I'm driving to San Francisco after court this morning. You'll be acting supervisor for at least the next two weeks," he said, almost breathlessly.

"Gil, is Sara alright?" Catherine asked, worried about the timbre of Grissom's voice.

"She wants me to come bring her home, Catherine. I'm leaving as soon as I can. I dropped an emergency medical leave request on Ecklie's desk." Grissom said as he scanned the current case files to see if he needed to take care of anything before he left.

"That's great news Gil…but how come so much time off? Ecklie won't be happy." Catherine hoped Grissom knew he was leaving himself open for trouble from Ecklie.

"Screw Ecklie, the only important thing is Sara." Grissom said with conviction.

"Gil, it's about time you looked at things that way. Call me if you need anything. I'll do my best to run interference for you with Ecklie….And Gil, give Sara my love."

"I will Cathrine, thanks."

Grissom locked his gun in the gun safe in his office, collected his briefcase and pulled his dress coat over his court suite. He smiled, it was the navy blue one that was Sara's favorite.

* * *

XXX

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

Okay, smut warning. This chapter contains sex. If you don't like that sort of thing, wait for the next chapter, I'm expecting it to be smut free.

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom was so excited that he was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet as he waited for the elevator. _I must look like Greg Sanders,_ he thought. He was just about to give up on the elevator and run up the four flights of stairs to Sara's floor when the door finally slid open. 

It had been nearly a month since he'd last seen Sara, last held her in his arms. The only other time he'd had to spend this much time away from her since she had come to work in Las Vegas, was after her near DUI. Back then they had hardly been speaking to each other so it wasn't that much of a hardship.

As the elevator door slid open at the forth floor Grissom strode purposefully down the hall to the door of Sara's mini suite.

Sara was nervously pacing back and forth from the window to the kitchenette. She glanced at the clock every time she made one turn, and peered out the window every time she made the other. It was nearly eight o'clock and she'd expected Grissom to be here by now. Her fingers itched to touch him.

Finally there was a light rap at the door and she bolted to fling it open. Grissom stood grinning on the other side of the door and Sara launched herself into his arms. He hugged her tightly, lifting her off the ground, as she wrapped her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Christ, Grissom, you have no idea how much I've missed this." She said as she drew him into the suite.

"Yeah, I do actually." Grissom said as he kissed her softly. "I've missed touching you almost as much as I've missed talking to you," he ran his thumb softly along her lips. "You do realize you're the only person I ever have real conversations with don't you Sara?" He ran his other hand down her back and lightly stroked her ass.

Sara smiled, "You've never been know as a great conversationalist Gil," she paused to kiss him with a little more intensity this time, "but I love you anyway." She sucked his lower lip into her mouth and bit it softly.

"God Sara, I don't want us to ever spend another day apart." Grissom said as Sara diverted her attention to his earlobe.

"Me either babe, me either." Sara nipped at Grissom's neck below his ear as she rubbed a hip against his growing erection.

Grissom ran his hands down Sara's back and pulled her hard against the ridge of his cock, "Are you as hungry as I am Sara?" His deep blue eyes boring into her brown ones.

"Famished," Sara replied as she started to unbutton his light blue dress shirt, caressing his chest. "I feel like I haven't eaten in a month." She gently rubbed one of his nipples.

Sara squeaked as Grissom swept her up and carried her into the bedroom. He set her down on the edge of the bed and she crashed her mouth against his, pulling him down on top of her. Grissom groaned as she pushed her tongue into his mouth. She thrust her tongue in and out, simulating intercourse. _Christ, I've missed kissing her,_ Grissom thought as he flipped them over so she was on top.

Sara sat up and began rubbing her damp jeans on Grissom's hard-on as he ran his hands up under her shirt to grasp her bare breast. He grinned, she wasn't wearing a bra. He pulled the shirt over Sara's head and watched her nipples harden under his fingers. She crashed her mouth back against his and sucked his tongue into her mouth, rolling her hips from side to side. Grissom flipped her onto her back again and rose up onto his knees between her thighs. He loved being between Sara's thighs. They needed to be bare thighs though. He reached down and pushed the brass button through the buttonhole of Sara's jeans. He pulled down the zipper and standing, slid the offending fabric down her legs. He grinned again, she wasn't wearing panties either. He took a deep breath and filled his lungs with her scent. He loved her scent. His cock strained harder against his navy blue dress slacks.

Sara watched, her whisky colored eyes smoldering from under her lashes, as Grissom quickly shed his clothes. God he was beautiful. Broad, strong shoulders, well defined chest, salt and pepper hair trailing down his abdomen to his very hard cock. Sara could feel herself getting wetter as she watched him. Moaning, she slid a hand down to feel just how wet. "God Gil, I need to feel you in me," She closed her eyes as she slid a finger into herself.

Growling from deep in his throat, Grissom knelt between Sara's thighs again. Grasping her wrist, he pulled Sara's hand to his mouth and sucked her wet finger deep into his mouth. As she opened her eyes to watch, Grissom slowly pushed his cock into her.

He paused staring into her eyes, "Jesus, Sara, so good…You feel so damn good." He started to thrust slowly, almost all the way in and nearly all the way out, as he peppered her face and neck with kisses.

Sweat was beading at his hairline and Sara could see the tendons and blood vessels straining in his neck. His eyes were closed and the muscles of his jaw were twitching. Sara could tell he was trying very hard to control his pace. She grabbed the hair at the back of his head and whispered "Let go babe," when he looked into her eyes she continued, "I want everything you can give me Gil. Everything. Don't ever hold anything back from me…I want it all."

Grissom let go of his tight control and slammed into Sara faster and faster. Staring into her eyes his thrusts became shorter and less rhythmic until he came in an earth shattering climax, crying out her name. Sara came hard too, as she felt him shooting into her, tears squeezing out of the corners of her eyes as she shuddered around him.

After a moment, when the blood stopped pounding in his ears, Grissom opened his eyes and saw Sara's tears. "Sara, honey, did I hurt you?" Grissom whispered in a shaky voice, pulling out of her.

"God no, Gil, I'm crying because I'm so happy." Sara smiled at him, caressing the side of his face. She pulled him down to lay next to her and snuggled against his chest. _I'm home again,_ she thought to herself, smiling

_

* * *

_

XXX_

* * *

_

A/N Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. Reviews are what give me the urge to write more.


	22. Chapter 22

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom sat with Sara in the visitors parking lot of the Chowchilla Women's Prison. 

"Sara," she looked up from studying her fingernails, "if it's okay with you, I'd like to come in and meet your mother."

Sara silently nodded once and reached for the door handle. Grissom reached over and grasped her hand, pulling her back towards him, "What's wrong honey?"

Sara glanced at his face as he rubbed the twists of the white and yellow gold ring on the third finger of her left hand. "It's just weird, I never expected to have a fiancé, let alone be taking him to meet my mother in prison. It's surreal, like I woke up in an alternate universe."

Grissom smiled and lifted her hand to kiss the finger where the engagement ring rested snuggly. "Tell me about it." He released her hand and opened the drivers side door of his Honda.

* * *

A half hour later they were walking up to the table where Sara's mother sat waiting. When the older woman looked up and smiled at her daughter Grissom could see the resemblance. The woman had eyes the same color as Sara's and the same crooked smile, when she stood Grissom could see that she was tall as well. 

"Mother, this is Gil Grissom. Grissom, my mother, Laura Sidle." Sara was staring at the floor.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Grissom" the older woman said, holding out her hand.

"Please cal me Gil, or just plain Grissom, Mrs. Sidle."

"Of course, but you must call me Laura," she said as Grissom shook her hand. "I was so pleased when Sara told me that she was engaged."

Sara glanced at Grissom from the corner of her eye, _This is just too weird, they sound like we're at a country club instead of a women's prison, _Sara thought to herself.

"Laura," Grissom continued as he gestured to the two women to sit, "I don't want to take up very much of the time that you and Sara have together today, and this seems to be at odds with my role as an officer of the court, but I just wanted to thank you for ending the pain that was Sara's childhood before it got any worse than it was." Grissom leaned down and gently kissed Sara, "I'll wait for you in the car, honey."

Sara sat, mouth agape, as she watched Grissom leave. She heard her mother murmur "I'll be damned."

* * *

Grissom was leaning against the back bumper of his car, soaking in the warm winter sunlight when Sara stopped in front of him and kissed him. He pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "How was your visit?" 

"You made quite an impression Griss," Sara rubbed her cheek on the side of his neck as she wrapped her arms around him. "My mother seems to think I've landed the perfect man."

"Hmmm, and what do you think?" Grissom asked as he pulled back his head to look into Sara's eyes.

"I think I concur." Sara smiled and kissed him softly. "Let's get out of here, I want to take you to China Town for dinner."

* * *

XXX

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

-

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom was popping corn in the kitchenette while Sara stirred butter, brown sugar and corn syrup together on the stove.

"I'd completely forgotten about how me and Mom used to make caramel corn for Christmas every year until I saw the pictures. We probably did it for four or five years."

"What's the Chinese five spice powder for?" Grissom asked as he dumped the finished popcorn into the roasting pan with the nuts and placed the pan in the warm oven..

"When I was living in San Francisco before we met I used to go to the China Moon restaurant. I even bought their cookbook." Sara stopped stirring the sugar syrup and set the kitchen timer for five minutes. "There was this recipe in the book called Chinese Crackerjacks. It was just nuts glazed with sugar and five spice. I always thought it should've had popcorn too. So I'm going to add five spice powder and nuts to the regular caramel corn recipe and see how it turns out."

Sara measured five spice powder, baking soda and kosher salt into a small dish. Grissom smiled at her as he leaned against the kitchen counter. She looked like she was doing an experiment in the lab.

When the timer went off Sara removed the pan full of popcorn and nuts from the oven and placed it on an empty burner. "Did you ever help your mother cook Gris?"

"Not until after my father died. When my mother had to start working I used to help her out around the house."

"Caramel corn is pretty cool." Sara removed the sugar syrup from the heat and dumped the baking soda mixture into it, stirring as it foamed up. "You have to be careful with the sugar syrup and then work pretty quickly to mix it all together before it cools too much."

Sara poured the foamy sugar mixture over the popcorn and nuts and stirred it all together. Returning the pan to the oven she set the timer for fifteen minutes. "Now we stir it every fifteen minutes for an hour, and it's done."

Grissom crossed the kitchenette to stand in front of Sara, "What do we do while we wait?"

Sara put her hands on Grissom's hips and pulled him close, "Doesn't matter, as long as we remember to stir it every fifteen minutes."

* * *

Leaning against each other on the couch in front of a small fire in the fireplace, Grissom and Sara sipped champagne and ate the five spice caramel corn. 

"This is really good Sara, maybe we can make it every year." Grissom topped up their glasses with the sparkling wine.

"Do you remember our first Christmas together?" Sara asked as she took a handful of the popcorn.

"Hmmm, we were working the Walker home invasion case on Christmas eve. The daughter Nicole broke up with her older boyfriend who recruited some of his friends to get revenge." Grissom sipped his wine.

"Yeah, that was the case you got all weird on me because you thought I was flirting with the architect father." Sara dug around to find some sugar and spice coated cashews.

"Sara, you were nearly drooling over the man." Grissom raised an eyebrow as he looked at her.

"Grissom, I can't believe you didn't see the resemblance. I swear Steve Walker could have been your younger brother. I was only staring because he reminded me so much of you when we first met. Same blue eyes, just a touch of grey in his curly hair, a big dimple in his chin."

"And what about his ass, as I recall you were paying quite a lot of attention to his ass."

Sara blushed just a little "I was only trying to compare it to the exemplar," she couldn't help giggling. "Then at the end of the shift you kissed me in the break room under the mistletoe. You could've knocked me over with a feather. After you walked out of the room me and Catherine just stared at each other with our mouths open. I was completely shocked that you had kissed me in front of the team, and they all thought I was so shocked just because you had kissed me." Sara was laughing by now. "You never told me why you did it."

Grissom considered the question for a moment. "I guess I was still a little mad at you after the Walker case. But making up after we got home was very nice as I recall."

Sara nodded in agreement. "Remember how you gave me my silk kimono after we got up, and after I put it on I went to sit on the arm of your leather armchair and slid right off onto the floor?"

"Yeah, I was worried because you were crying, I thought you were hurt, and Hank was running around the room barking." Grissom was shaking his head at the memory.

"I was only crying because I was laughing so hard." Sara was laughing hard enough now that she was nearly crying.

"I think that's about the time that Hank decided to run away with the popcorn garland and knocked over the Christmas tree. I was seriously thinking about taking him back to the shelter after that."

Sara sipped her champagne, "Then you went and burned the Tofurky so you wouldn't have to eat it." She was starting to giggle again.

Grissom gave her a stern look. "Sara, I've explained to you before, I had no idea that you couldn't hear the kitchen timer from the bedroom."

"Well at least my favorite Chinese take-out is owned by Buddhist and wasn't closed." Sara grinned at Grissom.

"It was pretty good moo shu tofu." Grissom grinned back.

Sara threaded her fingers through Grissom's, "I still have the fortune from the cookie, _'You will have success with everything you put your hand to.'"_

_

* * *

_

XXX

* * *

_This is a holiday tradition at my house. It's a recipe I developed from an idea in the Barbara Tropp cookbook China Moon:_

4 quarts popcorn

2 cups mixed nuts

4 teaspoons five spice powder

4 teaspoons kosher salt

4 tablespoons margerine or butter

2 cups brown sugar

½ cup corn syrup

½ teaspoons baking soda

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a large baking pan with non stick spray. Put nuts and popcorn in prepared pan and put in oven to warm while preparing sugar syrup. Melt butter in a medium saucepan. Add brown sugar and corn syrup. Bring to a boil, stirring often. Boil for five minutes without stirring. Mix five spice, kosher salt and baking soda. Remove sugar syrup from heat and stir in soda mixture. Mixture will bubble up. Pour over popcorn and nuts, stir and return to oven. Bake for one hour, stirring every fifteen minutes.

* * *


	24. Chapter 24

* * *

XXX

* * *

Sara awoke to the sound of wrapping paper rustling. She cracked open an eye to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. Four thirty-eight in the morning. '_Nobody who's ever known Gil Grissom would ever believe that he gets so excited about Christmas that he that he wakes me up in the middle of the night to open presents,' _She thought to herself. Sara reached out to turn on the table lamp and rolled over to look at Grissom. 

"Merry Christmas babe." Sara said in a sleepy voice.

"Merry Christmas honey," Grissom leaned over to kiss Sara on the forehead.

Scooting up the bed to sit against the headboard Sara looked at the two small piles of packages Grissom had set down on the bed. Grissom handed her a medium sized box wrapped in red foil paper with a silver ribbon and bow. Sara unwrapped the package and lifted the top off of the box revealing a beautiful jacquard wool scarf with a paisley pattern in earth tones.

"Gil, it's beautiful. Thank you." Sara reached over to softly caress his cheek. "Open your's with the snowmen on the paper first."

Grissom removed the paper to reveal a set of The Coleopterist's Manual by F. W. Hope, "Sara, these are beautiful. Thank you." He opened the first volume and looked at one of the color plates, gently tracing a finger over it.

Next, Grissom handed a small box to Sara. As she pulled off the green bow and white paper Grissom watched with the ghost of a smile on his face. It was a jewelry box. Sara opened it and pulled out a gold box chain with a floating heart pendant hanging on it. On one side of the heart was a single blood red ruby. Sara looked up at Grissom with tears in her eyes.

"Even when I'm not around, my heart is always yours." Grissom kissed Sara softly before picking up his remaining gift.

Grissom removed the paper and opened the box to find an antique sterling silver bookmark with a dragonfly pattern on the top. Grissom smiled at Sara, "Libellula Lulchella Poynette, a twelve spotted skimmer, thank you Sara, it's lovely." Grissom reached behind him and pulled out an envelope and handed it to Sara.

Sara removed several sheets of paper with what appeared to be jobs in physics and forensics listed in regional groups. "What's this Gil?"

"I wasn't sure what you were thinking of doing about work, and I wanted you to know that there are plenty of options," Grissom glanced down at his hands.

"Gris, some of these are out of state, I'd never ask you to leave the lab. You've put so much into it." Sara reached over and twined her fingers with his.

"Sara, I know I used to be married to the lab, but not anymore. I'm about to be married to you and I'll do everything I can to make sure that we're happy. If you want stay in Vegas, great. If you want to move away, no problem." Grissom squeezed Sara's hand. "We both have plenty of options. Either of us can teach, you can do research or work in a lab or even get that job with the FBI that you threatened to take all those years ago." At this Grissom grinned at Sara. "If we stay in Vegas I can transfer to day shift so we can work the same hours or even quit the lab and do consulting work and lectures."

"But you wouldn't be supervisor anymore if you moved to days." Sara looked into Grissom's eyes.

"That's okay, less overtime means more time with you." Grissom rubbed his thumb across Sara's palm.

"You've really thought about this haven't you?" Sara asked.

"Honey, my career is secondary now. We're the important thing in my life now. I just want you to know we have plenty of options, okay?" Grissom started to collect the wrapping paper and ribbons to put in the waste paper basket before setting the gifts aside and returning to the bed.

"Okay. I love you Gil." Sara turned off the light and laid back down next to Grissom.

"Merry Christmas honey, I love you too"

* * *

XXX

* * *


	25. Chapter 25

* * *

XXX

* * *

Grissom shifted the car into park and turned off the ignition. Turning to Sara, he took her cold hand in his. She was very pale and looked small. "Are you sure about this Sara?" 

Sara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes, I want my life back Gil." Sara opened her eyes and stared out into the desert. "I don't want Natalie Davis to decide where I can live. I don't want all those victims to decide what my career is going to be. I don't want my father to decide whether I have a happy marriage. I want my fucking life back, and it's time for me to take it back." Sara raised her eyes to Grissom and he could see a fire that had been absent for some time.

"What do we need to do honey?" he asked with a faint smile. It was a relief to see the drive returning to Sara.

"I need to tell you what happened out here Gil" Sara dropped her eyes to their twined fingers.

"I know what happened out here honey." Grissom ducked his head down to look at Sara's face.

"No...you don't, not what really happened." Sara pulled her hand away and opened the car door, stepping out into the cool desert morning.

Grissom rubbed his hand across his face before leaving the car to join her. Stepping up beside her, he put an arm around Sara's shoulder and pulled her close. "Okay, what really happened?"

"I wasn't scared at first. I thought that if you knew who she was, you'd find me. No problem." Sara pulled away from Grissom and took a few steps forward, looking at the spot where she had been pinned under the car. "When she lowered the car on me I started to worry. It hurt like a son of a bitch, I kept calling her name, trying to connect to her, trying to humanize myself in her eyes, but she just drove away," Sara turned to look at Grissom. "That made me mad, I wasn't going to let her make me into one of her victims. I couldn't get loose though, damn car had me pinned good. When it started to rain I thought that it might help, maybe I could squirm out because of the mud."

Grissom could see tears starting to form in Sara's eyes and took a step towards her. "Sara, honey…"

Sara took a step back, "No Gil, I need to tell you everything." She turned away from him before continuing, "The water started to rise and I started to get scared. I pulled and pushed, but it didn't help. The water was really getting deep and I was starting to panic. I broke my own arm trying to get out. I didn't even feel it, but I heard it snap." Sara wrapped her arms around her waist, "Finally the rushing water shifted the car a little and I was able to get free. I know I should have stayed with the car, but I was so scared I just ran. When the sun came up I could see that I was in the middle of nowhere. I realized that even if you found the car now, it was too late… It started to get hot and I started to get thirsty. I started to feel inadequate, what kind of fool would leave the vehicle. I knew better." Sara started to pace, "I remembered that in the car Natalie had said that Ernie loved her more than you could ever love me. I was out here all alone and you hadn't found me yet, maybe she was right, maybe you didn't really love me."

Grissom took a step towards Sara but she held a hand up, palm forward motioning for him to stay back. Grissom could feel the tears starting to run down his face.

"That's when my father started whispering how stupid I was. Then Suzanne Kirkwood and Linly Parker started to tell me that I couldn't save them, how could I save myself." Sara glanced up at Grissom. "I tried to drown them out with multiplication tables, but I was getting so tired. It was hard to keep walking, but I knew if I stopped walking I'd probably die…Every time I stumbled it was harder to get back up... Why was I even out here? Natalie didn't care about me, she only wanted to hurt you."

Sara raised her head and Grissom could see the tears streaming down her face. His hand curled into fists at his side. She looked straight into his eyes before saying "So help me God, Gilbert, I hated you right then, I shouldn't have been here, it should have been you."

Sara crumpled to the ground, head slumping to her chest. "I gave up then, I laid down in the shade and closed my eyes and welcomed death. I gave up on you, I gave up on me, and I gave up on us. I'm so sorry Gil."

Grissom was in front of her in a few quick strides and sank to his knees, gathering her to his chest. "Sara, honey. You where out here for twenty hours. You walked for eight miles in a hundred and ten degree heat without any water. You had a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. Honey, you have no reason to feel guilty, it **should** have been me out here. It **was** all my fault." His tears fell on Sara's hair as he rocked her gently back and forth.

Sara wrapped her arms around him and sobbed. "No Gil. See that's where we're wrong. Natalie Davis is nothing but a psychotic murderer. She did something horrible to me, sure, but I'm the one who's responsible for my life. I'm the one who's responsible for my happiness. I'm the one who has to take responsibility and take charge." Sara rose up to her knees and looked Grissom in the eyes, "And you're the one who's responsible for your life, your happiness. You can't make me happy and I can't make you happy, but we can be happy together. Natalie Davis can't ruin our lives, we can only let her ruin our lives. And I refuse to let her, or anyone else do that to me anymore."

Grissom looked at Sara with a confused look wrinkling his brow.

"Fuck Natalie Davis, fuck my father, fuck Clark County if they won't let us work together."Sara was shouting now. "We'll find someone who will. We'll find somewhere that we can have our life back." Sara looked deep into Grissom's eyes until his furrowed brow relaxed and a smile played upon his lips.

Grissom took a deep cleansing breath. Reaching out a hand to cup Sara's face he smiled. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life?" He raised his eyebrows at her, cocking his head to the side. Sara nodded at him. "Then let's get started."

Grissom helped Sara to her feet and they walked hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, back to the car.

* * *

XXX

* * *

I do believe this is the end. Thanks for reading, and many thanks for those of you who reviewed. I feel better now. For now at least, they have a happy ending. 


End file.
